I’m 63 years old. I’m a mom, grandmother, sister, wife and daughter. I love my family and LOVE my two grandchildren! My journey with depression and anxiety began when I was 14 yrs old. At the time, I didn’t know the word depression. I just knew something was not right. I trudged a long life…feeling like I was carrying 20 pounds of rocks in my pockets. I struggled in school. I was anxious and tired all the time. I experienced life differently than those around me. Less joy, less laughter, less energy, less control over my life. Somehow, those of us suffering from depression push through. By the time I went to college, I could manage my symptoms better. Still not knowing I was depressed, I didn’t seek help until after my first son was born. By then, my depression had become a major issue and my anxiety just short of debilitating. I saw a number of different therapists-psychologists, psychiatrists, and even a psychoanalyst over a 26 year period. Not one recommended medication or any other modality. Throughout these years, my symptoms came and went. I might even have what felt a “good” period of time, but really my baseline was so low and distorted it just seemed better because it was less severe. I felt better if I exercised on a regular basis. But no matter what I did, or what happened in my life, my symptoms came back. Usually stronger and more debilitating. Finally, I got around to medication. I tried 5 different medications between 2007 and 2012.
But by March 2019 I was a complete mess. It had been horrible for a year before. Really really BAD. I didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere. I didn’t want to exercise. I didn’t want to take a shower or get dressed (often I didn’t) I was anxious most of the time. I was scared of nighttime. I didn’t sleep. I watched TV all day. I gained 50 pounds. Mostly from the thousands of alcohol calories, I consumed daily as a means of self-medicating. I didn’t want to feel anything. I was spiraling down a rabbit hole and felt hopeless. My husband continually tried to help me but I couldn’t even think how I would find help – or even get in the car to an appointment. I was suffering and my husband was suffering too. I had a couple of experiences when I knew I was in really bad shape. I didn’t want to even visit with my sisters, and we are really close. It took too much energy. Visiting my grandchildren, whom I love to pieces and love to play with, took such an enormous amount of strength just to drive the hour and a half to their house. I had hit bottom. My husband one day said, “I am making an appointment for you to see my friend, Dr. Shashita Inamdar at Achieve Medical. I will go with you and help you explain what has been going on.” I agreed to go (thinking nothing is going to help, but I will go because I love my husband and I will do it for him) Then, I canceled the day before the appointment was scheduled. Ten minutes later, Dr. Inamdar called my husband and encouraged him to just get me there. She felt confident that if I could get to her office, she could help me. We went to the appointment – and I believe I got my life back that day. Dr. Inamdar got right on it. She spent a lot of time with us and with me alone. She recommended a number of therapies including a new anti-depressant and the life-changing treatment of deep TMS. I started seeing Dr. Sheth, who also thought deep TMS would help me. I began treatments about a month later. After a week of treatment, I was sleeping better! After 2 weeks, I actually felt better – my life was looking up literally and figuratively. I walked around with my head up and noticed things around me I hadn’t noticed in over 3 years. I asked, “How long had that huge shell sculpture been there” My husband replied that it had been there for as long as we’ve lived there -Wow. Halfway through my 6-week course of treatment, I was smiling more, laughing more, and saying yes to doing things. I was not afraid of nighttime. I felt the tons of rocks in my pockets were quickly disappearing. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I really felt happy. I finally, finally understood what that felt like. Not long ago I said to my husband out of the blue as we were walking home, “I love life!” What! Did those words come out of my mouth!? I’ve finally lost the weight I put on. I am excited for life. I am excited and joyful to listen to Christmas music. I feel joy and happiness every day. I am so extremely thankful for Achieve Medical and TMS, Dr. Inamdar, Dr. Sheth, the technicians and the staff. I will never give up again. I have an abundance of hope!